Pushed in a New Direction

Not gently nudged but, pushed in a new direction. There are options. But none to be visited that would cause a heart to rest without question. I’ve made choices. But have second guessed myself more than a dozen times. Then as always, I get told again that I am not alone. I cling to that reminded promise with all I have. Knowing yes, my life and sanity depends on
what I’ve been promised.

For the past two weeks I have been caregiver (servant) in a way I never have before. I have taken on caring for my dad who was diagnosed with Dementia in 2009. Dad has been such an independent soul for such a long time, this has been a major emotional challenge for the both of us. Dad wants to do what his 50-year-old thoughts want to do. Unfortunately, his 78-year-old body won’t allow. Dad has steadily progressed over the past two years. Not taking losing his liberties lightly. These are tough days with Dad & Dementia.

I’ve thought a lot about dad’s position of being in a place of total dependency on someone else. I can easily understand why Dad is not willing to be stripped of his own choices. When you’re dependent on something / someone other than yourself it takes away your control. Realizing that if anything is going to happen, it will only happen through the making of that which is being dependent on.

I effortlessly place my dependency in things all the time. Today, I sat in a chair without checking the chair legs were secure. I jumped in my car and turned the ignition without thinking it wasn’t going to start, I rode the elevator sure it was going to stop at the floor I selected. Depending on “things” without thinking twice.

Looking around me. I noticed  that I don’t respond much different from dad when its presumed I have lost control. Same as dad, I fight back trying to work out a plan or figure a way to regain control. Control I don’t have nor had to start.  For God is in control  of All  and All is subject to Him. <1Cor. 15:27>

I’m sure I’m not alone. Have any of you been pushed in a New Direction? Caring for an elderly parent, taking care of a disabled love one, dealing with someone with an addiction, praying through a terminal illness, wrestling with wayward children?  And right in the midst of a very tough moment; realized that you are not the ONE in control?

3 thoughts on “Pushed in a New Direction

  1. I remember TO @ its inception and my life was very different then. My heart had been broken, repaired and years later broken again. While Man is not my enemy Man has certainly taken me thru. Not only the men I have loved who have “declared” their love for me while living a lie but the men I birthed as they find themselves and discover their own relationship with God.

    I pushed my relationship with My Heavenly Father away taking another direction that had not brought peace. I have faltered as I put man before Him, as I ignored the urgings in my heart that I needed Him to choose the right mate. I have stayed away from TO because I was no longer working on saving yet another marriage but saving my sanity, finding my way back to God, taking responsibility for not marrying 2 Godly men and not makingmy relationship with God the priority over gossip and whispers of “why DON’T you marry him?” I have been pulled back to my true love, My God.

    I too watch my parents not accept their aging issues as I fight for control of my job, kids, traffic- things I cannot control. I have had to relearn to truly give God the glory for the ability to “see” in ways I could not before.

    I too feel gently urged in a new direction as I step back and let my sons live with the consequences I warned them about….Ahem… as I deal with the consequences my Heavenly Father warned me about…..

    I am more than the sum of my mistakes or the fear of what I didn’t get right.

    I am a daughter of aging parents, mother of aging babies, being pulled in a new direction.

    Peace to you

  2. I can relate as I also have a father who has been sick for some time now. He has not been diagnosed with dimentia but we believe he has the early signs. My Mother has lost all patience with him and is a constant complainer. Complaining about his condition does not help in any way and I would rather she take her complaints to GOD instead, and pray for a healing in his body. I pray that her attitude will change but my father is a complex individual. He will not admit that he’s sick and does not appreciate my mother, who does everything for him. This is where the complaining begans. I understand why she’s complaining but wished she would find another way to deal with her frustrations. I continue to pray and know that GOD will work his miracles and blessings over my family.

  3. This has been such an “enlightning” read, for some reason as a woman, I tend to often feel as if I am in situations alone. My situation is different however the same. My father has been battling cancer for over a year, he has yet to accept Christ or this disease for what it really is.My mother is in Denial (Big Time). I am afraid that when I lose my father, I will also lose my beautiful mother. I live about an hour away from my parent, but I try to visit several times a week, most times leaving me exhausted from buring up Hwy 70:) My husband takes the most “neglect” and I have to Thank God for him, because I truly do not think anyone else could handle me and this strenuous situation. I know the Lord will see us through, but some days I feel as if I am just going through the motions.My father still tries to live his lifestyle, however he does not have the strength or endurance he had. I can not take away any of his freedoms, as I am not sure how many more days the good Lord will allow me with him. However it is a daily struggle, wathching him deteriorate, and my mother waiting on a MIRACLE!!!
    Thanks for lending a listening ear….Being Pulled in every direction
    Love In, Christ

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s