Not gently nudged but, pushed in a new direction. There are options. But none to be visited that would cause a heart to rest without question. I’ve made choices. But have second guessed myself more than a dozen times. Then as always, I get told again that I am not alone. I cling to that reminded promise with all I have. Knowing yes, my life and sanity depends on
what I’ve been promised.
For the past two weeks I have been caregiver (servant) in a way I never have before. I have taken on caring for my dad who was diagnosed with Dementia in 2009. Dad has been such an independent soul for such a long time, this has been a major emotional challenge for the both of us. Dad wants to do what his 50-year-old thoughts want to do. Unfortunately, his 78-year-old body won’t allow. Dad has steadily progressed over the past two years. Not taking losing his liberties lightly. These are tough days with Dad & Dementia.
I’ve thought a lot about dad’s position of being in a place of total dependency on someone else. I can easily understand why Dad is not willing to be stripped of his own choices. When you’re dependent on something / someone other than yourself it takes away your control. Realizing that if anything is going to happen, it will only happen through the making of that which is being dependent on.
I effortlessly place my dependency in things all the time. Today, I sat in a chair without checking the chair legs were secure. I jumped in my car and turned the ignition without thinking it wasn’t going to start, I rode the elevator sure it was going to stop at the floor I selected. Depending on “things” without thinking twice.
Looking around me. I noticed that I don’t respond much different from dad when its presumed I have lost control. Same as dad, I fight back trying to work out a plan or figure a way to regain control. Control I don’t have nor had to start. For God is in control of All and All is subject to Him. <1Cor. 15:27>
I’m sure I’m not alone. Have any of you been pushed in a New Direction? Caring for an elderly parent, taking care of a disabled love one, dealing with someone with an addiction, praying through a terminal illness, wrestling with wayward children? And right in the midst of a very tough moment; realized that you are not the ONE in control?