Lessons Learned

Hello Ladies!! What a great way to get back to having a TimeOut!

Spending time away from the race of it all has surely given me a chance to reflect on a few things.  I am always amazed by the things life teaches.  For me, it is usually the important little things in my relationship with my husband that gets put on the “taken for granted” list when my every day begins to unravel.  I can easily hustle and bustle through my 101 to do’s, all while overlooking the tiny details that make our marriage work well.

Often, lessons come as something someone tried to tell us, loosely share with us, or even warn us about.  There may have been a book written on it, a documentary advising of it, or even a reality show exploiting it. There could be a seminar, a how to class, a blog post <pun intended> or a study session.  But ironically, it seems we find more value in experiencing life’s lessons on our own, rather than making applicable notes of the bloops & blunders of others.

I once read a quote, “A smart woman makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes that mistake again.  But a wise woman finds a smart woman and learns from her how to avoid the mistake altogether”.

Time and time again, right when you least expect it, out of nowhere comes a teachable moment.  So, <again>I am sharing  a few things God has taught me about marriage and my husband.

  • I am a powerful, beautiful gift of influence in the life of my husband. I am to commit to using it to do him good.
  • Often, I bask in the lengthy extensions of grace God shows me in my missteps and imperfections; God wants me to extend that same measure of grace toward my husband.
  • The more thankful I become of the things my husband does well— the less resentful I am of the things he does not.
  • My husband is totally incapable of telepathy! If I don’t tell him what I need or want, he will not know.
  • God created a hierarchy in marriage. I am the Queen.
  • The man who said “I do” to me at the altar, is not necessarily the same man I’m married to today. I should allow him room to grow and change.
  • Obsessing over my husband’s weaknesses will not make them go away.
  • My husband’s past hurts will inevitably show up in his present responses. I am to do my best to recognize them and be tender toward him.
  • The more I respect and affirm my husband, the more vulnerable he is to change.
  • Respecting my husband comes with the position of “Husband”. God did not provide any additional qualifiers. ~ Ephesians 5:33
  • The sooner I die to all the unrealistic expectations of marriage and of my husband, the sooner my husband is able to be free of trying to live up to them.
  • Placing blame does not change the consequence of the matter. <Genesis 3>
  • My husband is not responsible to be my ‘everything’. That is why God has given me great girlfriends who have no problem spending an entire Saturday at garage sales.
  • Even though God has created me to ‘help’ my husband, that does not mean he will always want or accept my help.
  • The more I focus on the woman God wants me to be and the wife my husband needs, the flaws of my husband become less and less imperative.

Oh’ …and one more thing…..

There was never any real need for me to sarcastically tell my husband, “I am not your mother!” …….. He was fully aware of that fact when he married me.

Thought to Ponder

Whenever I get a chance to talk with women, be it at a speaking engagement or during our TimeOut time at the local coffee shop; my message is always to promote a work toward cultivating a tender marriage that starts in the heart and mind of The Wife.  No matter the length of your marriage, it is without doubt that God has also taught you a marriage life lesson.

Take a minute to think of one. Then share it with us.  Your lesson may just be what another wife needs to hear.

Love sharing with you,
~ CharMaine


3 thoughts on “Lessons Learned

  1. One of the lessons I have learned in marriage is that my words can bless my husband or they can tear him down. A careless comment or unwelcome critique can stay with him for days, months, or years. I need to choose daily to bless him with words of affirmation.

  2. I’ve learned that I can not find my identity in my husband. My identity can be found in Christ alone and in what He did for me on the cross. My husband — whether he is in a season of success or a season of growth — does not give me my identity. My Savior does. Thank you for this post — amen and amen…

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