Married the wrong person….

wrong person2

“I have no way of knowing whether or not (you) married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I’ll be the first to admit that it is possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you.” ~ Zig Ziglar, Courtship After Marriage

Thought to ponder

Did your husband marry the right woman? Or the right kind of woman?

Would your husband agree with your answer?

Let’s talk soon,

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Ministry Misconstrued

The weather had finally changed.  It was now cool enough outside to justify having a tall Pumpkin Spice mocha with whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkles – extra hot.  Each lady entered the coffee shop, placed her order, and then eagerly took a seat.  Cups in hand, greetings and hugs, we all gathered in our usual circle.  But this time, we were without our usual agenda.  Tonight, there would be no diagram at all.  No forethought, no preparation, no planning, just impromptu discussion.  This is our Table Talk.  Anything put on the ‘table’ is open to be talked about.

men shoes

After hearing all the challenges each wife had with the prior months Wives Challenge, we quickly learned that the idea of “ministry” has been slightly misconstrued and somewhat commercialized. For years, ministry has been advertised with slogans, building signs, billboards, websites, and events. There is an excess of posters on the side of buses, stickers on cars, and t-shirts with catchy sayings. We recognize ministry when there are water wells to be dug, shoe boxes to be filled or can goods to be collected. Ministry typically looks familiar when feeding the homeless, visiting the hospital, or helping orphans in a poverty-stricken country. Expectantly, ministry is most easily detected within the church – when teaching a class, singing in the choir, leading praise or preaching from the pulpit.

Sadly, ministry has been tagged with its own invisible measures. The word ministry derived from the word minister. And although ministry has been synonymous with prestige and pious customs, it can – just as easily – be ignored when in its humblest form. Minister is defined as: (a) to give service, care, or aid; attend, as to wants or necessities: (b) to contribute, as to comfort or happiness. Simply put, ministry is from a Greek word meaning ‘to serve’.

 As shared during Table Talk; with lightheartedness and sure conviction, we can all smile inwardly as we grasp our many areas of wife “ministry’.

  • The Shoe Ministry – occurs every time you stumble over your husbands shoes in the middle of the floor and you pick them up to place them back into the closet.
  • The Cooking Ministry – when he (and the kids) is hungry, yet all the food in the freezer is frozen.
  • The Toothpaste Ministry – as you wipe the blobs of paste out of the sink and search the counter for the cap.Toothpaste
  • The Administrator Ministry – when he calls and ask you to do that one thing he could have done before he left the house.
  • The Pantry & Drawer Door Ministry – that you close (again) from the last time your husband retrieved something from it.
  • The Paper Stack Ministry – that you sort and place in the file folders after removing the ten piles your husband left on the dining room table.
  • The Bath Towel Ministry – which you pick-up off the floor as you make your way to the vanity.
  • The Planner Ministry – when you carefully add the month’s events to the family wall calendar and your husband calls you to ask what is the plan is for the day.
  • The Sub Ministry – when your husband was sure he could do it, now you need to do it for him.
  • The Shopping Ministry – when you have to make a special trip to the store for fruit, ‘cause your husband bought two boxes of banana flavored Twinkies.

Thought to ponder:

As a wife, we have been given our own special ministry, with our own special audience. Embrace it.  “Take heed to the ministry which you have received in the Lord, that you may fulfill it.”

< Colossians 4:17>



Ten Things

10 ThingsI’m always amazed by the things life teaches. Often times it’s something someone tried to tell us, share with us, or even warn us about. There may be a book written on it, a documentary advising of it, or even a reality show exploiting it.  Ironically, it seems we find more value in experiencing life’s lessons on our own, rather than making applicable notes of the bloops & blunders of others. I once read a quote, “A smart woman makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes that mistake again. But a wise woman finds a smart woman and learns from her how to avoid the mistake altogether.

Time and time again, right when you least expect it, out of nowhere, is a teachable moment. So, here are ten things God has taught me about marriage and my husband.

  • The more thankful I become of the things my husband does well— the less resentful I am of the things he does not.
  • My husband is totally incapable of telepathy! If I don’t tell him directly what I need or want, he will not know.
  • Obsessing over my husband’s weaknesses, will not make them go away.
  • My husband’s past hurts will inevitably show up in his present responses. I am to do my best to recognize them and be gentle toward him.
  • Often, I bask in the lengthy extensions of grace God shows me in my missteps and imperfections; God wants me to extend that same measure of grace toward my husband.
  • The more I respect and affirm my husband, the more vulnerable he is to change.
  • Respecting my husband comes with the position of “Husband”. God did not provide me with any additional qualifiers. ~ Ephesians 5:33 – Wives, respect your husbands.
  • The sooner I die to all the unrealistic expectations of marriage and of my husband, the sooner my husband is able to be free of trying to live up to them.
  • My husband is not responsible to be my ‘everything’. That is why God has given me great girlfriends who have no problem spending an entire Saturday at garage sales.
  • The more I focus on the wife my husband needs and the woman God wants me to be, the flaws of my husband become less and less apparent.

Oh’ and one more thing…..

  • There was never any real need for me to sarcastically tell my husband, “I am not your mother!” …….. He was fully aware of that fact when he married me.

Thought to Ponder

Whenever I get a chance to talk with women, be it at a speaking engagement or during our TimeOut time at the local coffee shop; my message is always to promote a work toward cultivating a tender marriage that starts in the heart and mind of The Wife. No matter the length of your marriage, it is without doubt that God has also taught you a marriage life lesson. Take a minute to think of one. Then share it with us. Your lesson may just be what another wife needs to hear.

With Love,

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Two Questions

After years of decline, statistics tell us that marriage is back in fashion with a 3.8% increase. Knowing of the popularity of marriage for its many reasons, I’d like to ask two very important questions.  Be sure to take a moment to think deep. Then respond honestly.
Brown-Pink-Wedding-Invitations-Ideas-for-wedding-day-1(1.) Why DID you get married? and

(2.) Why ARE you married?

 ~ Genesis 2:18


Hello Ladies,
I am hopeful by now that each of you have received an oral or e-mail invitation to the Time Out “Fundraising (Auction) Breakfast”.
The theme this year is “For Every Woman – Beauty Revealed.”  And the breakfast is literally for every woman this year…not just the married woman.  So, we are very excited about this year’s theme.  The breakfast is scheduled for Saturday, July 13, 2013 at 9:00 a.m. at Spazio’s Westport.  Tickets cost only $20 and can be purchased online from our site . Tickets purchased online will be held in your name at the registration table the day of the breakfast. However, if you want a ticket delivered to you, let us know and we will see that you get one.  If you have any questions send an e-mail to or call (641) 715-3900 ex:854788.
If you are not able to attend the breakfast this year we ask that you pray the breakfast will be a blessing to all in attendance.  If you are interested in showing your support by making a financial contribution (“TimeOut” is a 501(c)3) ~OR~ by creating an auction basket, please contact “TimeOut” and we will be more than happy to let you know how to accomplish this task.
(All net proceed will be used to support the TimeOut gatherings, and support woman in need of relational, marriage and pre-marital counseling).
Can’t wait to see you at the breakfast!!
The TimeOut Team

Who Taught You That?

I learned a heart stopping concept over the weekend as I studied through some biblical life issues with my twelve-year-old daughter. The idea itself seemed so elementary. (Yes, I had a duhh moment) Yet, when it was vocalized, my immediate response was, wow! The premise of the concept was this: If we teach/train our children, in the areas of helping, serving, and giving; they will display these same characteristics years later in their marriage role. This sort of training will help dissuade from relentless self-focus.
(I know…elementary, right?)

That goes on to tell me that many of us have pulled a big part of our notions of how things should be done, from all the things we learned while growing up. Our philosophies came from the obvious and the not-so-obvious ‘teachers’ in our lives. Be it, the lessons given intentionally or unintentionally.

Taught U That

How many times have you looked at your husband and silently wondered….”Who taught you that?” Then continuing in the conversation with yourself saying, “He can’t possibly think that is the correct way to get that done?”

2 Timothy 1:5, Paul tells Timothy, “….. clearly recalling your sincere faith that first lived in your grandmother Lois, then in your mother Eunice, and I am convinced is in you also.”

Here, Paul acknowledges the faith through Christ‘s teachings Timothy received from his mother and his mother’s mother. Paul mentions Timothy’s character; now being called to mind, as a byproduct of what he had been taught from generations before.

Guess what ladies, what you are seeing through your husband’s character, is a by-product of what he has been taught. And while you are looking at your husband, you can better believe, your husband is also looking at you, wondering ………

“Who taught you that?”

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At The Intersection

We pulled to the four-way intersection governed by stop signs on each corner. Each driver began gazing into the face of the other; wondering who was going to go first. One driver gives the hand gesture, “You can go ahead – I will wait”.  Another driver does the ‘periodic hesitation’ – I’ll go, no you go, I’ll go, no you go, I’ll go , no…..and inadvertently nudges their way to the center of the intersection.  The last driver aggressively takes the lead: tires spinning, rubber burning. Openly telling each of us, “I don’t have time for this!! I’ll go!”

Me; I decided to wait. Not because of some great patience given to me by God. Nor was the Holy Spirit prompting me to intentionally be gracious and allow others to go first. But while observing the chaos brought on by a four-way intersection with stop signs on every corner, I quickly recognize how long ago it had been since I passed my drivers exam. Truth is, I wasn’t sure which driver had the right-away! 4 Way Sign

So what can we wives learn about marriage from a four-way intersection?

  • Before any of us made it to the intersection, there had already been a manual established that gave clear instructions on what to do in such a situation.
  • It has already been chosen who should take the lead. It’s in the manual. This is not a debate or dispute.
  • If the driver, who should take lead, does not; their action does not make void the order already put in place when the manual was created.
  • Don’t get angry and jump ahead because the driver at the other intersection does not know it is their turn to go.
  • Just because the situation has become chaotic, does not give you the right to burn rubber, spin your wheels and bogart your way through the intersection.
  • When the designated driver follows the instructions provided in the manual, it makes it easy for everyone else. Chaos eliminated.
  • The driver who takes the lead is not always the driver designated to do so. This is out-of-order and is not according to the manual.
  • It is only proper to go out of turn, when the driver who has the right a-way, allow you the go ahead.

Before we were drivers, we studied the manual so we could pass the drivers exam. Now that we ARE drivers; we drive with assurance as if the manual is now obsolete.

Ladies, be sure to read the manual (the Bible) and remember what is says. No matter how well a driver you are, or how long you’ve been driving; you are always going to need the manual!!

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