The Wrong Person…

“I have no way of knowing whether or not (you) married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I’ll be the first to admit that it is possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you married the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you.” ~ Zig Ziglar, Courtship After Marriage

Thought to ponder

Did your husband marry the right person?

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Firm Decision to Do Something

I’ve never been a big celebrator of the New Year.  Not in the traditional sense anyway. The party before midnight was never one that held my attention.  Forcing myself to stay alert, pleasantly socializing without yawning and trying my best not to turn into “Grumpy” was typically my main party focus.  Yet, without delay, by ten o’clock p.m., I would begin to hear the words of the illusionists whispering in my ear, “You’re getting sleeeeeepy”.  All- nighters have never been my strong suite.  But no matter how the year ends, the very next morning is the beginning of anew.  Resolution resolve…..

When I originally began “TimeOut” I can honestly say my focus was not centered on how I could be of help.  Every month I would attend the gatherings with my two closest friends, hoping that by some stretch of the imagination, me getting time away would invigorate me to become more of what God was looking for in a woman, a helper, a wife.  I was sure having time away from the mundane would help me keep myself on track, regroup when necessary, and regain focus if needed.  We have all heard it said time and time again, that every couple needs time apart, right?  Believing that taking a life pause is a welcomed additive to any routine, a short breather is just what every couple needs in order for there to be a healthy balance.  This concept is true in theory.  But, what I soon discovered was; getting time away is nice.  But, by no means does getting away to relax on the beach help me to become a better swimmer.  To become a better swimmer, I need to use my time at the beach, building the skills it would take to enhance my swimming.

Group Swim

Just the same, if I am to become a true woman after God’s own heart, a committed companion to my king who pursued me, a sweet help to the man who holds the responsibility to lead, a wife who “does her husband good and not evil all the days of her life” < Proverbs 31:12>,   I will need to use my time away from my husband as a refresher in building the skills that will enhance my marriage.

Thought to Ponder

As we begin this year with intentional time away, let us firmly embrace the resolution to discover and live out God’s plan for us as Wife.

Next Wives Gathering – January 29, 2016. See you there!! ~ CharMaine

 

The Wrong Person…

“I have no way of knowing whether or not (you) married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I’ll be the first to admit that it is possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you married the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you.” ~ Zig Ziglar, Courtship After Marriage

Thought to ponder

Did your husband marry the right person?

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The Prescribed Way …

Fourteen easels, each holding its very own pre stenciled canvas; coupled with a set of painting brushes, a water bowl and a makeshift paint palette that included all the needed colors lying evenly side by side.  The picture to be painted had been predetermined and the instructor stood daintily in the front of the room awaiting our attention. There was only one woman there who attended this type of party before, but the rest of us were readily listening for instructions.

We were instructed to paint one petal at a time. Beginning with the darker color at the base and gradually moving to the edge with a lighter hue. We were shown basic stroke types to help blend the colors that would cause the petals to seem soft. We were coached on where to place the white paint so that the flower would appear to be hit by the sun in just the right spot. We were even told of techniques that would help hide mistakes causing them to appear as an intentional part of the painting. (This was my favorite “how to” since I personally had quite a few slip-ups to hide.)

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I had such a great time. Not one lady in the room held the title of artistes; yet, with the specific detailed assistance, we each sat at our easels with a small sense of possible. It was evident to us all, that if we listen to the tutor and follow the prescribed way, we could claim Leonardo da Vinci before this evening was over. Yet, right there in our mist, there was one. One who tired at the teachers directives, quickly moving ahead, utilizing just enough of the edicts to get the task done.

The instructor was there to help ensure our painting had the possibility of a masterpiece. Without a deliberate path, the evening would end with a room full of completed, kindergarten color-swatch posters. However, with clear guidance, our chances of feat were maximized. With given specifics, we were able to accomplish what would have otherwise been – precise doodle.

Thought to Ponder

We too, start out with the concept of readily listening to the Instructor. But to easily, we tire at the Teacher’s directives and quickly move ahead; missing out on much needed “need-to-knows” in our relationship with our husband.  Thankfully, God has provided each of us with a pre-stenciled canvas, a set of painting brushes, a water bowl and a well-made paint palette that includes all the colors we will ever need. All we must do to make our marriage a masterpiece….. is to “inquire of HIM about how to do it in the prescribed way”. <1Chronicles 15:13>

Tank Life ….

On our second round of pet ownership, we decided a fish aquarium would be the best choice. Taking care of fish would undoubtedly be much easier than taking care of a puppy. There will be no scratches on the door to come in or go out, no daily walks with the infamous plastic bag, no need to remove hair off my favorite rug, and even better – no quarrels of whose turn it is to pick-up the “left behinds” in the back yard.

The trip to the pet store was exciting. Each new occupant of the freshly filled tank was given a name similar to their physical appearance along with being assigned to a family member.  One of the most beautiful fish in the tank received the name Night. Its coat was the deepest, darkest, black and its fins flowed through the water like long flowing locks blowing in the wind. It swam with the grace of an experienced ballerina and could hover in one spot like a star.

black fish 3

Soon we began to notice Night spending most of its time under the artificial greenery and peeking from behind the oxygen tube. We would sometimes tap on the glass in hope of luring Night back into general population. During feeding time, Night would allow the food to slowly float to the bottom of the tank directly in front of the bush before coming out of hiding to quickly grab a morsel to eat.

Little did we know; that Night’s desire to not mingle with the other fish was legitimate. We had no idea the other fish did not take well to the natural beauty Night brought to the tank.  Instead of idol swimming – as I assume all fish spend their time doing – the other fish used their swim time to pick away at Night’s flowing fins. The once stunningly flowing fins, soon became short prickly attachments. A sad eye sore. Night was trapped in an environment that brought continuous bouts of attack. And, what better way to defend itself; than to retreat and hide.

Thought to Ponder

Many of us wonder why our relationships with our husbands are not much of what we expect them to be. We blame our husband as we notice him using his surplus time and energy in activities that seldom include us. He may be hanging out with his friends, spending countless hours in his favorite recliner, refurbishing that old 67 Chevy, or simply watching endless episodes of ESPN. As much as we would like to believe we have nothing in common with the fish in the tank, many of us have taken on the offensive habit of picking at our husband’s fins and making tank life practically unbearable. Yet, we are frustrated and disgruntled – questioning why our husband has retreated behind the artificial greenery?

 Numbers 35:34 ~ “ Do not defile the land where you live ….”

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Ten Things

10 ThingsI’m always amazed by the things life teaches. Often times it’s something someone tried to tell us, share with us, or even warn us about. There may be a book written on it, a documentary advising of it, or even a reality show exploiting it.  Ironically, it seems we find more value in experiencing life’s lessons on our own, rather than making applicable notes of the bloops & blunders of others. I once read a quote, “A smart woman makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes that mistake again. But a wise woman finds a smart woman and learns from her how to avoid the mistake altogether.

Time and time again, right when you least expect it, out of nowhere, is a teachable moment. So, here are ten things God has taught me about marriage and my husband.

  • The more thankful I become of the things my husband does well— the less resentful I am of the things he does not.
  • My husband is totally incapable of telepathy! If I don’t tell him directly what I need or want, he will not know.
  • Obsessing over my husband’s weaknesses, will not make them go away.
  • My husband’s past hurts will inevitably show up in his present responses. I am to do my best to recognize them and be gentle toward him.
  • Often, I bask in the lengthy extensions of grace God shows me in my missteps and imperfections; God wants me to extend that same measure of grace toward my husband.
  • The more I respect and affirm my husband, the more vulnerable he is to change.
  • Respecting my husband comes with the position of “Husband”. God did not provide me with any additional qualifiers. ~ Ephesians 5:33 – Wives, respect your husbands.
  • The sooner I die to all the unrealistic expectations of marriage and of my husband, the sooner my husband is able to be free of trying to live up to them.
  • My husband is not responsible to be my ‘everything’. That is why God has given me great girlfriends who have no problem spending an entire Saturday at garage sales.
  • The more I focus on the wife my husband needs and the woman God wants me to be, the flaws of my husband become less and less apparent.

Oh’ and one more thing…..

  • There was never any real need for me to sarcastically tell my husband, “I am not your mother!” …….. He was fully aware of that fact when he married me.

Thought to Ponder

Whenever I get a chance to talk with women, be it at a speaking engagement or during our TimeOut time at the local coffee shop; my message is always to promote a work toward cultivating a tender marriage that starts in the heart and mind of The Wife. No matter the length of your marriage, it is without doubt that God has also taught you a marriage life lesson. Take a minute to think of one. Then share it with us. Your lesson may just be what another wife needs to hear.

With Love,

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En-hahns

Enhance [en-hans, -hahns] to raise to a higher degree; intensify; magnify: To increase or improve in value, quality, desirability, or attractiveness.

We cased the store looking in every show case for sparkly splendor. There were all shapes: round, princess, oval and emerald. And there were all sizes: 0.1, 0.5, 1, 2, 5 and 10. We oooo’ed and aawww’ed over each and every piece while totally ignoring their prices. There was no question of their value and their attractiveness was evident. We both began pointing through the glass to make our selection. As soon as the metal was wrapped around our finger we stretched our arms forward, left hand paralleled to our faces, with our fingers stretched apart. We were impressed by the flicker. Simply beautiful!

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Little did we know, each piece was intentionally treated to be admired to the fullest. The goal of the manufacturer is to place such caring attention to every detail that upon display the diamonds would be an eyeful. Diamond enhancements are specific treatments designed to improve the visual characteristics of the diamond while clarity enhancements determine a diamonds value. The overall objective is to remove any dark inclusions, and fill fractures to make small internal cracks less visible. There by, raising the diamond to a higher degree; increasing its value, quality, desirability and attractiveness.

On September 1st, TimeOut will facilitate a virtual (online) marriage study. This study will challenge you to follow God in your marriage, address your unique role as a wife and encourage you to expand your relationship with your husband – all without ever leaving your living room!

 Enhancing Your Marriage: A Woman’s Bible Study  material by Judy Rossi 

  • This comprehensive study consists of 12 Lessons. Each lesson will be covered for a month. For example: September – Lesson One / October – Lesson Two
  • Study books are needed and can be purchased online CLICK HERE or at any local bookstore.
  • All discussions, questions, and feedback will be posted /communicated through the TimeOut website on the “Marriage Study” page. There will be no chat rooms.
  • Each participant is required to contribute / comment to each lesson at least once a month.
  • Personal email addresses will be used by the facilitator only. Emails will be used to convey offline information. Participants may also contact the facilitator by email for offline – non group – concerns.
  • For anonymity, each participant will provide the facilitator with a fictitious name. This name will be the participants’ public user name, to be used by the participant for all public post on the “Marriage Study” page
  • Registration has begun. CLICK HERE to register today!

I believe, when we know and live God’s plan for marriage, our marriages excel, the world sees God, and God is honored. I pray that you will join me in this heart challenging study.

Helping each other. Enhancing our marriages. Refining our roles.

Register today! This online study begins September 1st.

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